


Good bye my brother

by Kleu



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Investigations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 02:27:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5230400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kleu/pseuds/Kleu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the summer hiatus, J2 spend their time with their families and it's all going well when one night Jared calls Jensen in distress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey! Your phone is ringing”  

Danneel called Jensen who was busy buckling up JJ on the car, they were at a restaurant's parking lot in Austin where they had a lovely dinner and JJ had a lot of fun until she fell asleep around midnight. Jensen closed the door of the car and took the phone from his jean's pocket. Jared was calling.

  
"Hey man! Guess who had a giant steak for dinner?"  
"Jay listen hum..."

  
His voice was shaky and Jensen immediately went dead serious

"Jared you all right? What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, it's a... it's a funkytown here, but listen I-I need a favor, would you..."

  
His voice broke as if he was resisting the urge to cry.

  
"Jared please tell me what's wrong"

he gestured Danneel to get in the car while he inserted the keys and started the engine.

  
"Would you please say everyone that I love them?" he was crying now.

  
"What does it mean? Please buddy talk to me"

  
Jensen was driving faster and faster with the heart thundering inside his chest. Something was really wrong. Danneel wanted to know what was happening but seeing the look on Jensen's eyes and the drops of cold sweat she stayed silent and worried.

  
"Just... just do that for me ok?"  
"I'm coming there. Whatever it is we'll figure it out."  
"NO! No Jensen please, don't... Don't come here."  
"I'm coming. And you'll tell me."  
"Please don't. Just do what I asked. Thank you for everyth-"

  
The call ended abruptly.  
Jensen didn't know what to think, his brain was trying to understand but nothing made sense. He handed the phone to Danneel

"call him back" he said "something's wrong but he didn't tell. Did... did Gen told you something today?"  
"No, it was all fine, Jensen what did he say?"  
"Nothing that made sense"  
"What's that supposed to mean? Tell me wha-"  
"I DON'T KNOW OK? HE SAID TO TELL EVERYONE THAT HE LOVES THEM AND HE WAS CRYING! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK!"

  
JJ opened her eyes and started to make sleepy noises. Danneel reached out to caress her daughter's leg and comfort her, but she was looking at her husband, driving as fast as he could. She kept calling Jared but there was no answer.  
After ten minutes of silence they could see the house and then something shocking happened. Three explosions of light came from the house but they weren't just light. The horrific sound of a gun was there too. After ten seconds another shot exploded. In that moment Jensen stopped the car, reached for the gun in the drawer and jumped out the car. Danneel immediately called 911 while Jensen was running inside the house from the back door.

  
The house was dark.

  
Jensen didn't need to turn on the lights, he knew Jared's house like his own.  
His body knew how to move, but his mind was out of control.  
He was almost panicking, clearly someone was in the house and Jared tried to stop him...  
He walked as quiet as possible, breathing fast, heart racing and adrenaline at max. He concentrated to hear something, anything, a footstep or a window, but it was all silent. Finally he decided to move further inside the house, to the bedrooms to check on the kids.  
The silence was heavy. The only sound he could hear was his own heartbeat. He didn't dare to whisper but silently sneaked inside the boys room.

  
It was empty.

  
_“It’s ok, they are probably sleeping with them.”_

  
Jensen was trying with all his will not to think about the fact that 4 gunshots would have woken the kids, so he ignored the panick and went on.  
He was scared of the intruder, he was scared of what had happened and most of all, right then, he was scared of the silence.  
The door of the bedroom was almost closed, oddly, so he crouched down and watched inside. There wasn’t much light so he could only see shilouettes and shadows, he opened the door quietly and entered. He rose on his feet, gun in hand.  
The dim light from outside allowed him to see something. There was someone on the bed, he recognized Genevieve. He was so much relieved that he almost run to her, but he still had to be careful, so he tried to step closer and whispered “Gen!”  
No answer. He stepped closer, but stumbled on something.  
He looked down alarmed without seeing a thing. In that moment he heard the police cars arriving and flashes of red and blue light were closer and closer.  
And then he could see.  
On the bed Gen and the kids were sleeping peacefully, except that the white sheets were soaked in blood.  
The blue and red light that were flashing made it all seem unreal.  
Jensen’s mind was frozen, silent, unable to process what he was seeing, so his eyes moved to the ground slowly. Jared was laying on the floor like a puppet with broken strings. Legs uneven, one arm layed on his stomach and the other on the floor with a gun a few inches away from the hand, and his face… his face was contorted in a strange expression: the jaw was leaning sideways and his eyes were open, but the right one was looking upwards. Under his head there was a puddle of blood.  
Jensen didn’t even hear the footsteps of the officers, he didn’t notice the guns pointed at him or the pair of officers that disarmed and handcuffed him.  
It was like a ringing sound resonated in his ears covering every sound around him. He couldn’t move. The policeman drag him out of the room, but one second too late, someone had turned on the light and he saw.  
Still numb he didn’t resist the officer that was taking him out of the house.  
Danneel saw Jensen being escorted out with handcuffs and immediately she ran to him and talked to the officer.  
Shortly after Jensen was free and Danneel hugged him tight with tears streaming down her face..  
“Jensen what happened?”

  
He looked at her with no light in his eyes.

  
“They’re dead.” He said in a hollow voice.


	2. Chapter 2

The next hours were chaos. Someone somewhere called the press and photographers were being pushed back by the police, that was delimiting the area with yellow tape. Jensen was inside Cliff's car with Danneel and JJ that was awake now.

The paramedics had told that Jensen was in shock and wrapped him in a cover and gave him a hot beverage that he didn't even touch.  
His phone rang countless times and he just turned it off.

  
Three stretchers passed on the front lawn, on top of them there were black plastic bags with a zipper. They looked like trash bags. It wasn't right, it wasn't real. But it was.

  
The police wanted to question him. A woman went to talk to Cliff, the huge bodyguard was in tears, but he eventually lead her on the car where the Ackles were waiting for news.

  
"Mr.Ackles, Miss Ackles, sorry to intrude, I'm detective Lodge and I'm very sorry for your loss."

Danneel shook the hand of the detective but couldn't say a word, she was crying bitterly while holding JJ in her arms.  
Jensen was sitting with his head between his hands, eyes wide open.

  
"Mr. Ackles I hate to do this but I need you to answer some questions, it's just a formality to be honest because the scenario is pretty clear."

  
He finally raised his head and looked at the woman.

  
"You know who did this?"  
She looked puzzled for a second and then quite sad.

  
"Mr Ackles the pattern of the events suggests that it was an homicide-suicide situation. We saw that you were the last person he called, so we need to know what he said to you."

  
"What?" He looked at her like he didn't understand

  
"Mr Ackles I need to know what he said to you."  
She could see that the man was on the verge of tears. His handsome face was ghost white and his green eyes were haunted.

  
"He-" Jensen couldn't articulate the words, a huge knot formed in his throat and he was trying to force the air out of his nose. Tears started to fall from his eyes and he couldn't talk or breath properly. It didn't make sense. The last words of Jared passed through his head

_"would you please say everyone that I love them?"_

  
He felt like a stab in his heart.

  
Suddenly the car became too small, too constrictive and he got out of it.  
“Mr Ackles, please I nee-”

  
He fell on his knees a few feet away from the car, in the grass, fingers deep in the dirt.

  
Why would he do that? He would never do that! But his call fitted too well with the whole thing… But he loved them, his beautiful kids, the light of his eyes… And Gen…

  
Cliff reached him right when he puked.  
Danneel spoke with the detective about the call, Lodge nodded and went away leaving the family alone.  
Cliff helped him on his feet and escorted Jensen and his family at home, right next to Jared's. They were followed by tens of camera flashes.  
Once at home Danneel let go of JJ. Jensen was trying to stop crying with no success and he hugged Danneel. They both hang onto each other without knowing what to say or what to do.

The next day Jensen woke up at 5 am, he was still clothed and on the bed Danneel and JJ were still sleeping. He showered and changed into clean clothes. He peeked through a window and saw a bunch of reporters waiting outside and the yellow tape around Jared's house.

  
It wasn't a nightmare.

  
The night before he had to call Jared's parents, it was the last thing he wanted to do, but it felt wrong to let them know what happened through someone else.  
It was painful on so many levels, but he had to.  
Jensen turned on the phone seeing  
Tons of messages, when it rang in his hand, the name Misha appeared on the screen.  
After a deep breath he answered.

  
"Misha..." his voice was trembling already and he had to keep his mouth shut.

  
"Jensen... Is it true?" he didn't really had to ask at this point, not after hearing Jensen's voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it, comments are very appreciated and sorry if there are mistakes (i'm not English) and most of all, thank you for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

The night before Misha was at dinner in Los Angeles with his family and some of the Gishwhes team to get ready for the hunt.

As usual he took a couple of pictures with some fans at the restaurant and then proceeded to sit on his table to have dinner.  
He spent a lovely time and was chatting and laughing when a mid twenty girl run to him in tears.  
She could barely speak, the only word he could understand was "Jared"  
He thought she wanted him to say or give something to Jared so he apologized to the other guests and politely took the girl outside to hear what she wanted to say.

  
"Calm down honey, do you want me to say something to Jared?"  
"No Misha!"  
He was puzzled.  
"Sorry, my mistake, you wanted to tell me something?"  
"T-the news says that Jared is-is..."  
"What darling?"  
"He's dead!"

  
That was impossible, probably she believed one of the stupid website that reported fake news.

  
"Listen, why don't you let me see the site?"  
She nodded and handed him her phone.  
The website was a respectable one and the article was rather short with one picture.

 **Tragedy in Austin**  
_About an hour ago a tragedy took place in Austin,Texas, where television star Jared Padalecki was found dead in his house._  
_The sad news is that his wife Genevieve Cortese and their two children T. and S. were found dead too._  
_The details are still to be released but it seems that the long time friend and co-star Jensen Ackles was the one who found them._

The picture showed Jared's house with yellow tape all around and in a corner there was Jensen with Cliff, Danneel and JJ giving their backs to the cameras.

  
Misha stared at the picture for a full minute without being able to really see it.  
He then realized that the fan was still there, so he gave her back the phone. She saw that he was worried and she just said

"I'm sorry... I didn't... I..."

  
He gave her a pat on a shoulder and a tiny sad smile before his eyes started glistening with tears.

  
"I'm sorry I have to make a phone call..." he said before turning around and going back inside the restaurant.

Misha went straight to the bathroom, closed himself in a stall and dialed Jared's number. It was disconnected, but it didn't mean anything... Shortly after he called Jensen with the same result. He imposed himself to breathe and calm down,then he went back to the table.

He grabbed Vicky's shoulder tight enough to make her turn around.  
"Misha what...?"  
He was biting his upper lip, trying to calm down.  
"Come with me"  
He led her outside and told her everything.

  
She was obviously upset, but her analytical mind processed things differently.  
"Misha let's make sure of it before jumping to conclusions, it happened before that respectable journals caught false news."  
Misha was unbelievably relieved. Vicky always knew how to process things properly.

  
"Ok so what do we do?"

  
"We keep calling until we know something for sure and we book the first flight to Austin. We can leave the kids with Sasha."

  
Misha nodded and having something to do helped him a lot to stay calm.  
The first flight was an hour later and they both packed quickly and left the kids in safe hands before leaving. They constantly tried to call someone who might know the truth or checking out the news. When they finally arrived Vicky went straight to the first hotel in sight and took a room.  
It was 4am there. Misha kept checking the news. More pictures were published but very little about what happened. He decided that he couldn't sleep.  
He and Vicky changed into clean clothes and called a taxi.  
When he told the address to the driver the guy turned around

"Are you reporters?"  
"No, why?"  
"It's the whole night that I go back and forth between the airport and that address. And they were all reporters."  
Misha's hope that it was all a lie dropped. He was able to just say "Oh God..." in a tiny little voice.  
Victoria wrapped her arms around him and gestured to the confused driver to go.

They stopped a block away from the houses next to a network van.  
They could see the yellow tape around Jared's house.  
Misha couldn't contain the tears anymore and buried his face on his wife's neck. She caressed his back like she did with her children,  
She laid her cheek on his hair whispering comforting words and kissing his head wiping her own tears from time to time.

After a while they let go of each others arms and Misha tried again to call Jensen.  
This time he answered  
"Misha... "  
"Jensen... Is it true?"

  
The man on the other side just started to sob.  
Misha wiped his eyes and closed the call.  
He paid the taxi driver, took his wife's hand and got out of the car.  
When he got closer to Jensen's house the reporters recognized him and surrounded him asking for statements about the events. He never got out of their grip so fast.  
He literally went forward without even looking at the reporters and knocked on the door.

  
At first no one answered, but Misha kept knocking "Jensen it's me, please open. "  
The door opened and Jensen was there, pale and with swollen eyes. Misha and Vicky quickly entered closing the door behind them.  
Jensen and Misha looked at each other without knowing what to say. Both of them were trying not to break down.  
Vicky stepped forward and hugged Jensen "I'm so sorry... " she just said. He hugged her back and then let go.  
Misha put his hand on Jensen's shoulder, squeezing it compulsively.  
"I don't want to... But... What happened?"  
Jensen wiped his eyes with a hand.  
"I wish I knew Misha."

  
He made them sit on the couch. In that moment Danneel showed up from the other room, she saw Misha and Vicky and she went straight to them, hugging both, an then she too sat on the couch right beside her husband with her head on his shoulder.

  
"He called me... " started Jensen "saying that he needed a favor, and he was crying and he...he asked me to... He told me 'tell everyone that I love them' so I drove as fast as I could because he worried me"

  
His voice was shaky but explaining facts seemed to give him something to focus on.

"When we arrived we heard 4 gunshots. Danneel called the police, I took my gun and ran inside because I thought that someone was robbing them or something, but when I was inside, like ten seconds later. I couldn't hear anything. So...so I went to the bedrooms and..."  
He could see them right before his eyes  
"Jared was... On the floor...Gen... Oh God... Gen seemed so peaceful with the kids... I thought... "

it was hard to breathe again.  
"Tom and Shep... They were... "

he couldn't speak anymore, but then they heard tiny little footsteps and JJ came around the corner with her blonde hair all messy, she had heard her father saying Tom so she thought her friend was there and said "Nom? Mama where Nom?"  
"Oh sweetie... "

  
Danneel took JJ in her arms and hugged her tightly while going to the kitchen to make her some breakfast.  
Vicky followed her with the phone on her hand already dialing a number.

  
The two men were left alone, Misha cleared his throat and tried to speak "is-is the police trying to figure out what happened?"

  
"No... They think the case is solved already. The detective who questioned me said that the evidence suggested a case of homicide-suicide... "

  
Misha looked at Jensen with wet eyes "that can't be true... He would never... "  
"I know... But then why the call?"  
Jensen covered his eyes again looking away from his friend. And trying to calm down.

  
"I can't... I can't stop thinking... That he would never do that... and then... I hear his voice... The call... He was desperate Misha. It sounded like a goodbye..."

  
Jensen's phone rang it was Cliff.  
The bodyguard told him that he would come and pick them up to go to the hospital where Jared and his family were brought to.

They all went together, again the reporters tried to get their attention, without success.  
Jensen in the car was holding Danneel's hand. He really wasn't ready to talk with anyone, to face other people, but it was a selfish thought. There would be Jared's and Gen's family, their parents and brothers and sisters, he couldn't act like he was the most damaged.  
So he restrained himself.  
Misha noticed the change of attitude in Jensen, he knew him well enough to recognize his behavior, he was preparing to act.  
The hospital gates were surrounded by a crowd of people, crying fans already gathered there and had started to leave flowers, letters, photos and T-shirts to commemorate the Padalecki family.

  
The car stopped at the gates while some security was trying to move the crowd to let the vehicle pass.  
Misha went closer to the window and said

"we should say hello"  
"i don't... Mish i can't face them now"  
"You don't have to do anything."

  
Misha opened the window. Several crying faces turned around, but there were just a few flashes. Suddenly a group of people seemed to hurry and grab something from the ground and then they raised a giant sheet of paper with a big writing on it, Misha teared up and told Jensen to take a look. He and Vicky exchanged seat so that the two actors were closer to the window.  
Jensen looked outside, no hysterical scream were heard and he read the sign.

**Please kiss them goodbye for us**

He looked at the crowd, like really looked at them, those people were sincere, so he and Misha nodded a couple times and blow them a kiss.  
Jensen heard a choir of thank you and was moved by them.  
Misha quickly closed the window, knowing that this kind of things made him uncomfortable.  
After another couple of minutes the gates opened and they went inside.  
It was as painful as they expected, but Jensen didn't cry anymore. He hugged and supported and listened and talked but always with measure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another super sad chapter (but not the saddest), I hope you guys like it :)  
> Please let me know what you think about the story with a comment that's always appreciated and keeps me writing ;)  
> As always I apologize if there are mistakes that I couldn't fix. <3


	4. Chapter 4

Detective Lodge was at the police station, she didn't sleep well that night because even though she was accustomed to this kind of things, the sight of two sweet children killed by their father was enough to keep her eyes open. The fact that said father was a celebrity only complicated things. Now she was sipping her coffee seated on her desk and staring at the pile of papers in front of her, photos and analysis from the forensic department, statements from the neighbors and the report from the tec, plus a note from her boss only saying "deal with the press".

She rolled her eyes, the press was always a pain in the ass and even more now that the news would bring world attention to the investigation. 

Truth be told there wasn't much to investigate, she had done a quick research about the actor and found out that he was diagnosed with clinical depression. He even raised a campaign to help people with mental illness and suicidal thoughts, but this only accredited her hypotesis of homicide-suicide. She looked at what needed to be done to close the case and give a press conference that would leave the reporters satisfied. The autopsy was currently in process, she made sure that they examined deeply and collect samples as if it was an homicide, this would take a while of course but it was high priority, next she looked at the witness reports and she knew that it was lacking the most important, Jensen Ackles. The guy was clearly just a witness, and his wife talked to the police on his behalf while he was understandably in shock, but she couldn't afford to leave the papers blank. She needed to talk to him. Last there was the report from the tec department who went through the phone of both the Padalekis, there were no anomalies and the messages and emails and various socials didn't show his intentions, but surely evidenced his mental health condition who apparently was bad enough this summer that he cancelled some of his scheduled conventions. She was even a bit pissed because if it was any other unknown guy the case would have been closed the same day. 

She finished to read the files and then headed to the hospital where she was pretty sure she would find her key witness.

 

At noon Misha was in the hospital cafeteria alone, he preferred tea usually,  but the lack of sleep demanded something stronger to give him some energy and eating was out of the question. It all seemed still unbelievable. On the corner of his mind he was stupidly hoping that it was just a very big and elaborate joke that Jared was playing on him. A tiny smile appeared on his lips at the thought, Jared was always a heavy player when it came to pranks, of course the memories of their playful jokes and the countless times he made him laugh ruining the takes popped on his mind and a sense of desperate loss overwhelmed him. He cried bitterly over his cooling cup of coffe. 

A delicate hand patted his shoulder, he turned around wiping his eyes and Vicky was there. Behind her Danneel and Jensen were gesturing if they could sit at his table.

When they were all sat, Jensen said that the doctors came out to talk to the relatives in private. 

"Are they done with the examinations?"

"I don't know, Jared's brother said that he would tell us everything anyway." 

"good, good... " 

The silence fell heavily on them, so Vicky started to talk with Danneel "I was thinking about sending over the kids to play with JJ. I know she is too little to really understand what's happening, but maybe being with other children will lighten the general mood for her. "

"That's a great idea Vicky, I was just thinking about how she would be sad without... Yeah, that's good. "

"Good, can I send them over to your place? They arrived half an hour ago"

Misha looked at her confused "what?"

"I called Sasha this morning after JJ woke up... Then I forgot to ask if it was ok... "

Despite the situation they all couldn't help but smile

 

Half an hour later they were going downstairs to meet with Jared's brother again and hear the news, but a woman stopped them.

“Mr. Ackles? Detective Lodge, we met yesterday, may I have a word with you?” 

She showed them her badge with a swift movement just like they did for the show, Jensen nodded and gestured the others to go ahead without him. Danneel looked at the detective confused, Misha and Vicky stepped away to leave them alone, but they didn't go away. 

“Is there a problem detective?” 

“Miss Ackles, I need to speak with your husband in private.”

“That's not gonna happen. I will stay here and listen.”

The woman almost rolled her eyes and without replying to Danneel she started to talk to Jensen.

“Mr. Ackles, as I asked you last night, I need to know what was the content of the call, and I need you to describe me the events”

“But I told you yesterday” Danneel interrupted, “Miss Ackles, on any other circumstances that would have been enough but this case has attracted mediatic attention, so we have to be spotless in our paperwork. I can't really leave the deposition of the major witness.”

Jensen nodded and the three of them went back sitting on the table.

Jensen told her about the call and what happened after that, but honestly he couldn't provide an exact conversation. 

“Don't you remember anything else at all? Something strange or a noise in the background?”

“I’m sorry detective, I was very concerned that moment and for a good part of the conversation I was driving with my daughter on the backseat, I was focused on the road and honestly, I couldn't imagine I would need to remember it…”

She nodded, even though she had hoped for more.

“i’m sorry for pointing that out, but as I understand you were his closest friend am I right?”

The man nodded sadly, looking away for a moment to get a hold of himself. 

“Then you knew his struggle with depression, certainly it may have crossed your mind that he could have suicidal thoughts at some point.”

At this point Jensen looked at her with anger.

His gaze was very intense and the detective felt it like a weight on her shoulders. 

“There's no need to be angry mister Ackles”

He wanted to say something to shut her mouth, and talking like that about Jared, but he couldn't say anything useful. His eyes softened and he said “Look, I can assure you that not in my worst nightmares I could possibly have imagined that. He had depression and he would need some time off every once in a while to deal with his issue, but he was fighting it and he was helping so many people with that…” Danneel grabbed his shoulder with her hand. 

“I know what that looks like detective, I’m not a fool, but even if he developed suicidal tendencies, he would never ever in the world do harm to his family. I’m sure of that. So please, please be completely sure about this before talking to the press. ”

Lodge nodded, she felt bad for this poor guy, he would never accept the reality of things, but then again, nobody ever could.

“Well thank you for your time Mr and Miss Ackles, I’ll do whatever I can to make the whole situation clear before any press conference. This is my number,  feel free to call me at any time if you remember anything else.” She handed him her card.


	5. Chapter 5

Jensen and Danneel joined Misha and Vicky to go downstairs again to meet with Jeff.

The big man was pale and his eyes were as red as they could be. His parents and sister were going upstairs, his mother was in pieces. The white hall had blue seats along the walls, and there were Genevieve’s parents and her sister Sarah who didn't look well at all. 

Jeff stayed there to speak with Jensen and he needed a few tries to speak properly. 

“Can I see them now?” Jensen asked,

“The security is already in motion, so I will only be able to make one of you go inside, I’m sorry.”

No one even tried to take the chance, they all knew that if someone had the right, it was Jensen.

“Go ahead” said Danneel “I’ll go see if Gen’s parents need anything.”

He nodded and for some reason he looked at Misha and Vicky like he wanted to make sure nobody else wanted to go. 

“It’ll be alright, we’ll wait here.”

Jeff lead the way, to a metallic door, with the word Morgue on it. “I’ll knock if someone is coming.”

The actor nodded, his mouth was dry and his heart was speeding up, basically his whole body was trying to stop him, but he took the door handle and opened the door entering inside.

The room was oddly familiar, like the countless morgue set where they filmed, but the smell was very different. 

He looked at the metal tables and there they were. All four of them, wearing white scrubs. His feet guided him on the far left tables where Tom and Shep were laying still, eyes closed. They looked asleep. Hesitantly Jensen touched Shep’s little hand. It was cold and a little stiff. His vision was blurred by tears, silent and hot drops streamed down his cheeks, hanging heavily from.his chin. “I’m sorry…” He said over and over, squeezing the little hand trying for some reason to warm it up, his tiny hand felt just like JJ’s and it only made it worse, he kissed his forehead, leaving drops of tears on his blonde hair. Without letting go, he turned to Tom, his brown floppy hair were on his eyes and he automatically fixed them around his ear caressing his face. He reached for the hand to hold him, his mind was playing tricks on him, because he could almost hear their happy voices calling for uncle Jensen to play. It was painful to think that he would never hear that sound again. He let go of their hands, kissed them again and moved on to Gen. She was beautiful as always, and looked so much smaller than usual. Her long lashes were closed and so were her lips, that used to be ripe and always smiling, now were turning blue. He had a lump on his throat, he wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn't come out. He caressed her arm, squeezing it from time to time. He finally walked away from the table, landing a kiss on her forehead too. There was a chair near the last table, his chest ached at every step, but he finally stood in front of the table. His hand went automatically on Jared's shoulder. “Hey buddy…” He said with a strained voice. They played dead so many times, and he had to feel like it was true, but man, was he wrong. This pain was unbearable, he couldn't stand on his feet , so he sat on the chair and took his hand, that shovel-size hand of his and just held it. “I’m sorry I wasn't there for you… I should have stayed home where I could reach you faster… I just… I can't… “ He didn't want to let go, he didn’t know what to say, but it wasn't a problem, they could understand each other without even looking, the crew made fun of them sometimes because of it, even the fans, they joked about the fact that they shared a brain or even that they were telepathic, but now he could swear that it was true, because he could feel the pain of a wound where Jared was, like he had been ripped off from him. He laid his head on the table on top of his hands, still holding Jared's. 

And he let go his restrain, there, where nobody else could see, he called his name and cried. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

At the police station Detective Lodge was filling the papers with Jensen's deposition, but what she was writing wasn't much different from what his wife already told her. She couldn’t really blame the guy, she even saw the footage of the security cameras around the house, and all was exactly like he told her,but if she wanted to impress the department she needed to have that damn phone call. It would be a problem to obtain the permit, and she really didn't have time to wait for it, so she thought about a solution and concluded that she would rather apologize later.

It was against the rules of course, but she decided to take advantage of the offer of a newly hired technician in the scientific department, she didn't pay much attention to the girl when she knocked on the door of her office bringing the news of the Padalekis, but she was crying when she told her about the actor and asked her to be part of the investigation because she said she was an admirer of his and that she would do anything to help.

Obviously Lodge dismissed her because she didn't need rookies on her team and most definitely, not a crying fan, but now she needed the damn phonecall and someone very focused on the intention of getting it without a permit.  She got her called and within ten minutes a chubby, late twenty girl with thick framed glasses and a ponytail knocked at her door.

“Come in and sit down… Claire right?”

The girl sat on the chair in fron of the desk taking the hand of the detective for a shake.

“Yes, it's Claire ma’am, Claire Malone” 

Claire was a little intimidated by the detective, who was a beautiful woman at the top of her career pouring self confidence from every pore of her skin, she clearly wasn't upset so Claire took the courage to ask why she had been called there.

“There is something I need your help with, you see, I really appreciated your offer to help with the Padalecki case and I am really sorry that I couldn't include you in my team, but you know how things work here, and you shouldn't skip the proper steps,but I want to do justice to this family. You see,and this is confidential, all the evidence lead to a case of homicide-suicide..." she knew how to manipulate the girl without even trying too hard. 

“That’s impossible! He would never…“ Claire spoke without thinking.

“Believe me, the case would be closed already if I didn't do my research,  and his profile unfortunately matches the case, with his mental health condition it's not just an option, but I wanted to be sure. I spoke with Mr Ackles and he assured me that he would never do such thing but I have no proof, I already have the general content of the call, but the details are not clear and also there is the background noise to check, so there is only one way of discovering what really happened there and that is hearing the phone call that Mr Padalecki did just a few minutes before the events ”. 

Claire nodded, her eyes were glistening but she contained her tears.

“So Claire, i need you to get the recording of the conversation.”

The girl looked at the detective wide eyed, that was a difficult task to accomplish. 

“I will need a permit for-”

“That's the problem Miss Malone, we don't have time to wait for a permit, since the press is involved, we need to speed things up before we are forced to close the case as homicide-suicide. This is a risky mission, I know that and if you get caught, you could lose your position and I’ll have to deny my involvement,  but if you do succeed,  I will make sure to talk with the right people to give a boost to your career. So what do you say Claire?”

“I’ll do my best ma’am.”

That was a rather plain answer, Lodge expected some excitement from the girl, but she looked determinate and that was all she cared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the most emotional chapter for me to write and I hope that you readers could feel it :')
> 
> Anyway I decided to make the chapter longer even though it takes more time to write it, as always I hope you enjoyed the story and if you can please comment because it's highly appreciated :)


	6. Chapter 6

When Jensen came out of the room he was the shadow of himself, he had a paper tissue on his hand that he was squeezing. Misha went to him and without saying anything he hugged his friend. It wasn't unusual, but unlike the usual, this time the man hung on him. This time, Jensen wasn't the strong one.  
The buzz of Misha's phone called them back to reality. Jensen quickly wiped his eyes again and went looking for his wife. Misha did the same then answered the phone. The news had been broadcasted on a national scale and people from the show were trying to contact him for confirmation. Mark Sheppard was the first to call him. He said he tried to contact both Jared and Jensen, but no one answered.  
Misha had to deliver the hard news and it wasn't easy.  
“I’m sorry Mark I should have called you and the others before but…”  
“No no, it's ok i understand… hum…” On the other side of the phone and from the other side of the ocean, Mark was incapable of saying something coherent “i’m coming as soon as I can, I just… at what time… it doesn't matter uh… i’ll see you soon”  
“Mark do me a favor please, I need you to tell the others, Jensen isn't going to answer the phone for some time and i will try to call some people but, you know… it would help a lot.”  
“Yes, of course, i’ll do whatever you need. Let me know if you need anything else. “  
“sure. See you soon. “

Misha passed his fingers through his hair and went to Viki. The day would be long. 

Claire didn't know what to do to get the phonecall, so she spent half of the day researching and asking questions casually to her coworkers but it seemed that without a permit or a warrant she couldn't do anything. She had to get creative. 

Later that evening detective Lodge received the results of the analysis of Jared ‘s body and clothes. The results were as clear as she hoped. Traces of gun powder on his hands and clothes, his fingerprints on the gun, a few marks where most likely his wife tried to stop him before forcing her in the bed and some unknown traces of dna under his fingernails… That last part wasn't exactly expected but not even so much strange. He was a celebrity and that means that he was constantly surrounded by strangers. She checked again to see if those traces were blood or pieces of skin, but they weren't. So the case was almost closed. She just needed the damn phonecall and all this mess could be closed. 

That night at the hospital Jensen was still there. Danneel had to take care of JJ and Vicky went with her to check on West and Maison. He and Misha were sitting on the chairs along the wall, their phones would often ring and it was usually someone who either wanted to know what happened or offer their condolences. Jensen couldn't take it anymore, he stopped answering and was exhausted, but he couldn't bring himself to sleep.  
The hours went on, Jeff left with his parents that really needed to rest and Megan was asleep in the arms of her fiance. Jensen needed to do something so he said Misha that he had to stretch his legs. He went upstairs, the cafeteria was closed and a couple of nurses were around the vending machine. Jensen took a bottle of water and drank avidly, he didn’t realize just how thirsty he had been until he actually drank. The fresh water was soothing and he emptied the whole bottle before crashing the plastic and throwing it in the trash can. The nurses were looking at him from the corner of their eyes then one of them clearly made the decision to go talk to him. Jensen really wasn't in the mood of talking, let alone flirting, so he tuned his back on them and went straight to the stairs. He tried to take a walk on the superior floors, but at every step the typical odor of the hospital bothered him more and more, he felt the warm air wrapping around him covering him with the sticky smell of disinfectant and disease, he run upstairs and reached the roof, gulping fresh air as if he was suffocating. He closed the door behind him not sure why he was there. He flexed his knees and tried to breathe normal again but his body wanted to move. He was restless, that smell was driving him crazy, he couldn't stop thinking about the morgue and suddenly a deep rage surfaced from within. He was angry.  
He started kicking the air asking to the sky why.  
Why would he do it? Why would he hurt his own family? He actually started to ask it out loud not screaming, just talking, like Jared was floating around above his head, invisible and silent.  
“I know you man, you would never do this…” his voice was trembling and his vision blurred. “So why in the HELL DID THIS HAPPEN? “ He grunted in frustration and kicked the wall behind him. It felt good. “I should have stayed home, I knew you were going through a tough time… GODDAMMIT! WHY DIDN'T I STAY??” He kicked the wall some more, this time harder. He kept hitting the hard surface while asking questions that nobody could answer “How could you?” He started punching the wall, “HOW COULD YOU??” tump tump  
“THEY DIDN'T DESERVE THIS!” His knuckles started bleeding and the pain was good.  
“WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST KILL YOURSELF!”  
As soon as those words escaped his lips, he covered his mouth in disbelief. He felt a crushing shame falling upon his shoulders “I’m sorry… I didn't… I… “ once again tears fell from his eyes. He bumped his head on the wall trying to find something to lean on, but his knees didn't sustain him. He kept saying sorry, he said it was his fault, not Jared’s. In the end it all went down to him. If he had been closer he could have saved his friend and his family. 

Misha found him at dawn, Jensen was curled on a ball, trembling in a discomforting sleep.  
It was horrible to see him like this, and in a corner of his mind he prayed to be strong enough for him. 

Danneel and Vicky came back at the hospital with the kids and Jared's and Gen's parents. They came at mid morning. They had been at the house to pick up the clothes for the funeral and Danneel wasn’t in good shape. She wanted to leave JJ home with Vicki’s kids and Cliff to watch over them, but the little girl wanted to go to “aunt mama” house with Danneel. The girl was about to have a tantrum so they decided to bring them. It had been a mistake. She was worried that JJ might get sad seeing that nobody was there, but the two year old accepted very graciously the simple explanation that “they weren't home”.  
What she didn't consider, was how hard it would be for her to go around the house looking for funeral clothes in the boy's room hearing the kids playing around happy. She tried to hold the tears but it felt too wrong. She and Gen used to let the kids play and chat around the house doing chores or sipping a glass of wine laughing or crying or having those special moments that girls share when they are friends.  
She couldn't stop thinking about Gen and how her eyes would light up talking about the kids and what they would become when they grew up. None of that would happen now. She wiped her eyes before someone could see her. She had to be strong, at least in front of Gen and Jared's parents. 

At the hospital the mood was if possible even worse than before because the kids were there. Everyone kept staring at them with wet eyes and sorrow but it didn't last long.  
The funeral home services came by to take care of the departed for the wake and everyone followed. 

Claire had to use all her resources to try and find a way to get the recording of the phonecall and she almost gave up a couple times before her luck changed and she finally got her hands on the last words of Jared. 

She had it in a USB drive and it was late night when her contact gave it to her and she definitely were going to give it straight to detective Lodge... Except... Well she knew it was against the rules and that she could pass all kinds of troubles if it was ever discovered but she decided to copy the file. It wasn't right in any way and most of all she knew it wasn't right for Jared’s memory, but she did it anyway.  
She stayed up all night in front of her laptop, torn between the right and the wrong thing to do. At dawn she still didn't listen to it and decided to give it to detective Lodge, hoping that she would share the content with her. 

Lodge was still asleep when Claire called her with the good news and she immediately got ready to go to the police station and close the case once and for all.  
Half an hour later Lodge had the USB drive in her hands  
"Thank you so much Miss Malone, I will definitely consider you joining my team for future investigations." she smiled genuinely to the girl and showed her the door eloquently, but she was looking at her feet and wouldn't move.  
"Are you all right?"  
"I- I was wondering if I could at least hear the content of the call..."  
Oh right, she was a fan of the actor, Lodge wasn't thinking about it, so despite her overwhelming need to roll her eyes, she tried to be polite, after all the girl did a great job.  
"I really can't share this confidential information with other people, and about that I need you to assure me that this is the only copy apart from the one in the archives" she stared at her heavily, and waited for her answer, but the girl seemed so crushed when she told her she couldn't let her hear the recording that this pressure was barely necessary.  
Claire looked at her feet and tried not to look guilty, she mumbled something and was about to confess when detective Lodge went on talking "Anyway, you are a good agent and i'm very sorry that I can't let you hear it, I know that you admired Mr Padalecki but you know the whole confidential bit, but again, I will remember your help with this. Now if you'll excuse me I have to settle this whole situation."  
Claire went away without saying a word, guilt burning inside her but still keeping it silent. 

Lodge finally locked the door and went straight to her computer. She plugged in the headphones and raised the volume before playing the file.  
She listened to it at least five times, and every time she were more and more convinced about the suicide. 

Later that morning Lodge set up a press conference. There were fewer journalists then expected but enough to be serious.  
She was professional as always, but inside she had a certain satisfaction about the whole thing. She was determined to give justice to everyone's memory and most of all to the victims. She could never stand crap about celebrities being perfect and untouchable so despite her promises to be discreet she didn't give the press a romantic picture of the events. Television reporters weren't allowd inside with cameras but outside the police station they were waiting for her to comment the events.

Jensen and Danneel were at home, trying to get some rest before the wake at the funeral home and Misha and Vicky were doing the same at the airport hotel were they were staying, but all of then had the bad idea of turning on the TV just when the local news were airing live.  
They recognized Lodge on the screen with a serious face "As I told in better details to the journalists inside, the case of the Padalecki family has been closed without loose ends, we took extra care of the case hoping to find a better explanation from the obvious one, but sadly we found no reason to believe that it was anything else but a homicide-suicide case. As many may know, Mr Padalecki was affected by clinical depression, he was treating it, but apparently he had a hard time lately that eventually lead to the tragic events of Sunday night."  
The reporters were kept asking questions but she refused to answer any further.

That information sank deeply into Jensen's soul, he felt the burden of guilt and regret settle inside him like a milestone. Danneel hid her tears,drying them as soon as they fell, then she turned off the TV and grabbed Jensen's arm to take him away from the black screen.  
"Jay we should rest a little before the service"  
Jensen nodded without looking at her, lost in himself and his grief.


	7. Chapter 7

Misha knocked at Jensen's door that evening, he and Vicky didn't bring the right clothes for the occasion, so they had a couple of paper bags with the change they bought. 

Danneel opened with JJ at her heels and the little girl waved at them while they entered inside.   
West, Maison and JJ started playing almost immediately. They all went to the kitchen, where Jensen was sitting on a stool looking down at a glass of some liquor over the counter, he wasn't even drinking it just staring and stirring it.   
"Anyone hungry? I'm preparing some rice for the kids"   
Danneel said tying her hair in a ponytail.   
"We took a bite on our way here, but thanks for the offer" said Vicky.   
Misha left the bags on a chair and sat on a stool right next to Jensen.  
"I'll pass" He said finally looking away from the glass.   
The silence was getting awkward again but Vicky knew that this wasn't good for anyone, so she went behind the counter with Danneel "I'll help you with the rice, why don't you guys go watch the kids until dinner is ready?"   
Misha nodded and took Jensen with him on the living room where West was intent on ripping off the pages from a coloring book.   
After dinner, the kids were put to sleep on the big bed all together, Gino came at the Ackles house to watch over them while the parents were going to go to the wake. 

The function took place in the morning, it was private, so only family and friends were allowed, but a number of people were waiting outside with flowers and wearing the AKF shirts hugging each other and crying together. 

Among them there was Claire, she was crying along with the other fans and while she was there, she heard two girls talking not distant from her.   
"Look, I loved him too, but really it doesn't feel right to mourn for a child murderer..."   
"I know but... I still can't believe he did this, maybe the police was wrong you know?"   
"I don't know what to believe... But it still doesn't feel right. What the police said makes sense, he wouldn't be the first person to do such a thing. He was in really bad shape lately, who knows what passed on his mind that day, what if he actually did it?"  
The other girl just stood silent for some time   
"Maybe you're right, now that you said that, I can't take it out of my head..."   
"Well you stay if you want to, but I don't feel comfortable with this so i'm gonna go home"   
Claire though about the recording she had at home, she still didn't hear it because whenever she thought about it she felt like she was about to step a line of disrespect, after all his last words were meant for Jensen and not for her.

When the doors opened everyone stood silent, the little white coffins came first, and not one person had their eyes dry. After them, came Gen, Claire didn't know the bearer except for Gen's father, who had red eyes, they left her in the third of the four cars. The last one was Jared, on the left side the bearer were Jeff and his father while on the right Jensen and Misha were holding the coffin with their shoulder. They solemnly carried the big wooden box and while Misha was clearly overwhelmed by emotions, Jensen was wearing sunglasses and looked a little pale. 

The burial ceremony at the cemetery was very crowded, every cast and crew member of the show were there along with their families, all of Jared and Gen's friends and lots of fans. The small altar was surrounded by hundreds of flowers and of course the letters AFK were everywhere.   
Jensen was in the front row, together with Jared and Gen's family. He was holding Danneel's hand squeezing it from time to time while JJ was in his lap. The little girl finally understood that something was wrong when she saw the coffins with the pictures on top of them, her friends were in the white boxes, she went there to knock and called Tom to come out and play, then she went to knock on all the others, still calling them. Danneel tried to stop her telling her to be quiet, but she would only ask why Tom didn't want to play, so Jensen took her in his arms and brought her under a tree not far from the ceremony. When Danneel joined them, JJ was crying hugging her father's neck.   
The priest started talking, the speech was moving and appropriate, everyone cried and hugged each other for comfort, everyone but Jensen. He sat in the chair, sunglasses on and a blank expression. When Danneel hugged him in tears he automatically embraced her and soothed her by rubbing his hand on her back, but he wasn't paying attention he felt disconnected, like this was happening to someone else. On the back of his mind he knew that he was responding oddly, but he didn't linger on the thought, he wasn't feeling pain for now and that was a bliss.   
The burial happened fast, at least he thought so. 

Claire couldn't stop crying that night. The function and the comments she was seeing on the Internet didn't leave her a minute of peace. Especially because among the hundreds of posts to commemorate Jared's kindness there were some that were mercilessly condemning him for what he'd done.  
She herself was torn really, but even with all the evidence she couldn't bring herself to hate Jared. She knew a thing or two about depression and all she could think about was how deep his pain must have been to get to such a horrible conclusion.   
Since she was online she decided to deal with her emotions the only way she knew, and that was through researching previous cases so that she could see things from another perspective.   
She spent hours studying the profiles of the perpetrators, their families and the situations that eventually lead them to the catastrophe, but there was something that didn't match Jared's case.   
The average motivation for the murders were somehow connected to problems in the relationship between the couple or extreme economic problems. To her knowledge that was not the case, of course she might not know the entire truth, but there were literally no signs of either anywhere.   
She rubbed her eyes and looked outside the window, discovering that the sun was almost up. She went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, deciding to finally get some sleep.

Misha didn't know what to do. The next morning he was waking up on the hotel bed with Vicky next to him and Maison and West between and over them. They were still sleeping and he enjoyed this moment for a little while knowing that the day was gonna bring sadness. 

At noon he sent a text to Jensen   
“we’re coming over with food, let me know if there's still reporters or something. “

He wasn't going to ask him how he was, especially not via text but after half an hour he didn't receive an answer, so he sent the same text to Danneel, she answered shortly after   
“You guys are always welcome, but prepare for a bunch of people inside and outside the house :)”

They went there avoiding some reporters who still were looking for a statement. Gino opened the door and welcomed them inside scruffing West’s hair as the kid runs in.   
Misha was looking around for Jensen and Danneel, she was in the kitchen talking to her mother and Jensen's sister. Vicky approached them waving hello and carrying bags of food, Danneel helped her and introduced them. Still not seeing Jensen, Misha asked quietly, gesturing the question.   
Turned out that he was still asleep, his mother went to check on him a couple times before he woke up half an hour later.   
By the time he was presentable the table was ready and set for a very big family lunch. All the Harris and Ackles were there.   
Misha felt very much out of place, and also a little stupid, did he really think that they would have been alone? Suddenly he felt like it was too hot and he air was thicker so he excused himself and went outside to breathe some “fresh” texan summer air.   
The dogs approached him, there were 4 of them, Oscar and Icarus were Jensen's dogs, and then Harley and Sadie that were Jared's. They all sniffed him, Oscar wanted attentions and the little Icarus just barked happily, but the other two lost interest as soon as they smelled him and went back laying on the grass.  
He wasn't Jared.  
Misha went closer to Sadie, the old German Shepherd seemed inconsolable so he scratched her on the head and petted her, “You miss ‘em too right? I know how that feels.”   
He sat down in the grass and started talking to her about Jared. He didn't hear the garden door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the super long wait, I really don't have a good excuse except that I have been working and, you know, things in general. I wish I could promise to post regularly from now on but I don't know if I can, but I will someday finish this.   
> Lastly thank you so much to the readers and double thank you for leaving comments.   
> <3


	8. Chapter 8

Claire was back to work, it all seemed a little more grey for two reasons, one of course was the tragedy that deeply affected her, and two she had kinda liked   
the “action”. She never thought to be fit for the field, but that experience opened up new perspectives. 

During the whole morning she felt restless so, come lunchtime she decided to take a chance and talk to detective Lodge, she owed her a favor and she decided to use it before it was lost in time.  
The woman was not in her office. Since she had to wait, Claire went to the bathroom where she heard Lodge’s voice, clearly on the phone with someone.   
“Yes mom I am taking care of myself, it's just that these couple of days were hard… Yes exactly, those sweet children… But I feel better now because after hearing that phonecall it was all clear… no no believe me, I was nice about it with the press and all that, which by the way pissed me off, but I couldn't go on saying he was a psycho… I can't tell you what he said but just know that the first thing he said when he was asked how are you was: it's a funkytown! I mean can you believe it? He was just minutes away from killing his whole family and it was a funkytown!... Ok i gotta go now, talk to you later, bye mom, love ya”. 

Claire was just standing there, immobile. She was processing the info when she heard the detective getting ready to exit the stall, so panicking she hid herself in the next stall. Lodge washed her hands and fixed her makeup before leaving.   
Long minutes passed before Claire’s phone came to life with a message from a coworker.   
She rapidly went back to the IT office, but her mind was busy.   
It could be just a delusion of course, but something was telling her that she heard something important. 

Jensen watched silently at Misha surrounded by dogs, and talking to them like they were people. Suddenly Oscar turned around and went straight to Jensen followed shortly after by the other three. He smiled at them and gave each a good scratch.   
“What are you doing out here alone?”   
Misha got up on his feet and shrugged “just enjoying the summer” He wouldn’t tell him that he felt out of place because that was so stupid…   
But Jensen didn't buy it, he looked at his friend eloquently, waiting for something else.  
“Look I… I felt a little overwhelmed and I needed some air, but that was a dick move, I’m behaving like a tween”  
“Yeah you are? You're talking to the guy who just woke up because mom told him to. “  
They exchanged a look and then they both bursted out laughing.   
“Come on let's get back inside before mom scolds us both” 

The day went well, being around all the family gave Danneel some sort of consolation, at least for the moment. Everyone eventually went away. Their parents were the last ones to go. Especially her mom was really intentioned to stay and keep her company. As much as she appreciated it, she still needed some space.   
JJ was sleeping in the couch so she went to take her to bed, but Jensen stopped her.  
“Let me, you must be exhausted and I slept a lot today.”   
“Thanks” She said kissing him and then resting her head in his chest. He kissed her hair hugging her tightly and they just stayed like this for a while.   
They were both broken right now and neither of them seemed to keep it together enough to support the other, but somehow they had to keep going on. 

When Jensen came to bed he had swollen eyes.   
“What happened?”  
He went inside the sheets and looked at the ceiling “JJ woke up for a moment and said: daddy I miss my boys”  
She snuggled closer wrapping her arms around him and yet again they fell asleep with tears in their eyes.   
\---  
“SAMMY NO!” Dean was running with all he had inside, Sam was 50 ft away, and some monster was trying to kill him. He was out of breath and his vision was blurry, but he still aimed at the monster and fired until the gun clicked empty.   
The monster wasn't stopping and it was becoming bigger. Sam was fighting with all his strength but the ugly giant thing was prevailing. Dean kept running and firing but it seemed like he barely moved. His heart was pounding and his muscles were on fire but he kept running harder and harder. Sammy was in danger and somehow it seemed more crucial then ever to save him. It was final, if he didn't save him the monster would kill him for good, but no matter how much he pushed himself he couldn't get close enough.   
But then he could.   
He was inches away from his brother.  
Sam turned around, he was crying and yelled “NO! No Dean please, don't... Don't come here”  
But in that moment, when his fingers touched Sam the monster stabbed him on his temple.  
As his little brother fell on the ground like a puppet with broken strings the monster laughed loud and cold slowly fading away staring at Dean with menace and promise. Sam had fallen in his arms and he was holding him close and tight screaming his name when a phone rang. He looked around seeing nothing.   
Jensen suddenly woke up to the sound of his cellphone ringing.   
A little disoriented he checked the hour, it was 4:23 am. “who the fuck…?” He said taking the phone, it was an unknown number, he usually wouldn't answer but whoever it was, he was going to get an earful.   
“Who the fuck is this?”  
“Jensen?! I mean Mr Ackles I need to talk to you, I’m a police officer and I have new information about what happened to Jared but I need your help to reopen the case”  
“What? Who are you?”  
“Right! Sorry, my name is Claire Malone and I worked with Detective Lodge but i’d rather talk to you in person if that's ok. “  
Jensen didn’t know how to process so he just said “Ok sure, where and when?”   
“I’ll text you when I figure out where we can talk undisturbed, and when I have slept a little”   
“sure”  
“goodnight” She closed the call and Jensen just stared at the phone without a clue.  
\---  
Claire couldn't believe she did it. She actually called Jensen on the phone. Which by the way was just another information that she wasn't supposed to have kept but still… She threw herself on the bed trying to sleep, but her mind wandered anyway on the events of the day…  
After hearing Lodge she went back to work trying to not think about that word “funkytown” that for some reason reminded her something, but no matter how hard she tried that was always floating around. The minute she got home she turned on the computer and typed “funkytown”. She scrolled the page but it was all about the song, then she typed “funkytown Jared Padalecki” but only fanvideos showed up. That wasn't it of course but she could swear that that wasn't a casual word, so she typed “Funkytown supernatural” and oh! How could she had forgotten about that!! In the show, Sam and Dean often use code words so they can send a message without the enemy’s knowledge and Funkytown was one of those!   
She banged her head on the keyboard in frustration and rested there for a moment. This was of the utmost importance! Jared might have said that for a reason!! Could it be? There was one way to be sure and the answer was in that little forbidden audio file that she swore to never listen. Her hands moved automatically and whispering an apology she listened to Jared's last phone call.   
It was as emotionally devastating as she had anticipated. She had to pause several times to collect herself again but she managed.   
Sure it wasn’t a major clue, but it certainly opened new possible explanations and investigative leads. She had to go to detective Lodge and… No she couldn't. Not without telling her that she listened to the recording which she shouldn't have.   
Damn it if only someone else had listened to it…   
It was late night and she was tired, at least that's what she told herself for not thinking about Jensen right away. He was the only one who could understand her hypothesis and had listened the conversation of course.   
She still couldn't believe she actually called him at 4 in the morning so she screamed her embarrassment on the pillow and finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we should be over with the really sad part, even tho there will be more, but as some of you correctly anticipated, the "Funkytown" thing wasn't casual.  
> Someone may argue that Jensen would have known sooner but, my extensive research (which consists in watching every convention available) confirmed that no, Jensen wouldn't remember such a detail, at least not out of context. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.  
> Thank you for reading <3


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Misha woke up late, he had trouble sleeping since West decided to not cooperate, Vicky wasn't there and she left a note saying “we are going to find a park to play, call me when you wake up”   
He called and she told him where they went. After showering, he wasn’t feeling like going downstairs to have breakfast so he called the room service and started scrolling his Twitter feed. He had been avoiding social networks as much as he could but he figured it was time.   
#RIPPadalecki was trending worldwide and there were thousands of people mourning and crying. He finally decided to do a Facebook live, because after all the supernatural family deserved it.  
He tweeted that he was about to start a streaming and immediately hundreds of people started answering.   
He found a spot with the right light near the window and after making sure there was no underwear laying around he started to film.  
He usually prepared something to say before this kind of things, but this time he didn't. So for the first 30 seconds he didn't say a word. Hearts were floating at the bottom of the screen and a fast stream of messages were appearing,some were long so he couldn't read them up, but most of them were one word or two “condolences” so he took a deep breath and said:  
“Thank you guys for the condolences. And thank you also on behalf of their loved ones, but I am here today to give my condolences to you too. Because I know how much he means to you too and how much you loved him and his family.” He tried his best not to cry in front of an ever growing audience, so he kept talking “No matter how this happened it's still tragic and I honestly am in denial because… it hurts to much and…” He wiped his face and collected himself a little. “I’m sorry guys, I just wanted to say… to invite you to Always keep fighting, even in the darkest moments.” He then blew a kiss at the screen and ended the livestream.   
Misha threw the phone on the bed angry at himself for such a shitty video. He had meant to say some sort of speech to console the fans and give them hope or at least pay an homage to Jared and his family but no, he had to screw it up like a stupid. He sat there for a couple minutes before ruffling his hair in frustration and exit the door.   
When the phone rang he was already in the street. 

Jensen was setting the table when he got a notification on his cellphone, he checked it out to see if it was the text from that girl, he obviously told the whole thing to Danneel who had been woken up by the ringtone as well and they had invited Cliff to lunch just to talk about it.   
But the notification was a livestream from Misha. He sat down and watched it. Danneel just entered the room with some forks at hand and she heard Misha's voice.   
When it finished Jensen didn't say anything for a while. Then when they finished with the table he asked “Did he say when he was coming?”   
“No, I talked with Vicky and she said that he was sleeping so she took the kids to the park. But she said they would come so they should be here any minute.”   
He nodded and just then the doorbell rang.   
Cliff came inside the house with a bottle of wine and soon enough he and Jensen were talking in the living room.  
“So you said that there was something you wanted to talk about right?”  
“Yes, I don't even know if I should have paid attention to it but… you know it could be nothing… “ He was playing it casually so of course Cliff knew that whatever this was had been bothering him a lot, so as usual he had to make him spill. “Ok, might be nothing, duly noted. But just to make sure, tell me what's going on. “  
“alright, so-”  
The doorbell went off again.   
“we'll talk about it later”

Claire went to work super tired that day, with little more than a couple hours of sleep, but she was extremely energetic or better extremely focused and driven. She went to her position and took a look at the work of the day. Being the last wheel of the carriage she had to do mostly boring tasks like verify datas, confirm ownerships, check addresses and stuff like that, but she didn't join the police just to be a secretary, she knew her way around technology, and even tho she never hacked the pentagon, she could certainly crack some passwords to get the files she needed.   
She spent her lunch break on her station and it took her more than that to finally get her hands on the Padalecki case.   
She mentally thanked the digital age before scrolling through the contents attached. There were all the documents. Lab analysis, the coroner's, all the witness reports, the search on Jared and Gen's phones and the security cameras videos, but there was something else too. The pictures. She only saw the miniaturized previews but it had been enough for her to close everything and go crying in the bathroom. 

Lunch was finished, Vicky was helping Danneel with the table and the guys were sent to the living room where Jensen told them what happened that night.   
“So, I don't even know if it's something important or not but if she actually contact me again what should I do? I mean, it could be just a reporter or some, I don't know… what do you think?”   
Misha was really surprised, “You know, this might be nothing as you say, but if you think about it, might also be true. Or at least if it was me, I would bite, at least to see what this is all about. “   
“Yes but she had my private number. I don't give my private number, how did she get it?”  
“Well that's one thing you could ask her.”  
Cliff was thinking silently because as a matter of fact Jensen was right, she could have been a crazy person so he decided a plan.  
“We'll do this, you’ll bite, if she calls again to set an appointment, you accept and tell me. I will go and search the place and take a look at that girl and then I’ll accompany you to meet her, if she's not ok with it we bail and end of the story.”  
Jensen nodded, it made sense.   
“What was her name again?” Misha had his phone at hand “Let's see if she's on Facebook. She said she worked with the detective so she might work at the police station.”  
“Claire… ugh, Maloni I think? I don't know, it was 4 in the morning.”   
Misha gave a quick look on the social network and there was one Claire Malone working in Austin city police. So he double checked on the website and found a match.  
“Ok so this one should be the girl you’ll meet” He handed them his phone with the picture   
“So far she seems legit.”   
“We’ll see I guess”  
“So Mish, are you coming with?”  
Danneel came in the living room with a tray of little pastries and Vicky had coffee and cups. She sat next to Misha ruffling his hair and he smiled at her and kissed her quickly.   
JJ came followed by West and Maison and all 3 went for the sweets. Maison took two biscuits so Misha said to her ”Maison you can't take two at a time, don't be greedy, leave some for the others”  
“B- but daddy, they're not all for me, one is for me and one is for Bobby!”   
“Who is Bobby?” asked Danneel “Come on, tell her who Bobby is”  
“Bobby is my friend but you can't see her”  
“I can see her!” said JJ. They laughed and spent the next couple of hours playing with the kids.  
At some point the message tone of Jensen's phone was heard and somehow they all stopped to look at him with anticipation.   
He looked at the screen for a couple of seconds then read “Meet me at this address at 7pm today, you can bring other people you trust but don't drag attention for now it's better to be quiet”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I just wanted to say thanks to you for reading this and also I apologize for the mistakes in my work, I am not really familiar with the American police system, so if there are mistakes in the writing or the environment I describe it's because of my lack of knowledge. You are welcome to let me know in the comments if there are major mistakes.

Claire was pacing back and forth in front of the Java place she picked. It was a pretty old shop almost outside of town and it wasn’t very popular. The owner was an old guy who wanted to sell the place and retire in a couple years so he gave up on renovation or improvement, there wasn't even free WiFi. But apart from that, she was pacing nervously because after all she was a hopeless fangirl, she met the guys at a couple of conventions, paying good money just to see them and now even though the situation was the opposite of exciting she still couldn't help feeling starstruck.  
Around 6:45 she saw a big intimidating man walking steadily in her direction. She looked away a little scared, but when he was closer she recognized Cliff, the boy's bodyguard. She wasn't expecting him to be there, even though it was pretty logic since she called Jensen at fucking 4 am. “You know who does that? Crazy people!” of course that was the line that popped into her head immediately.  
Cliff was a few step from the door and he looked like he didn't pay her any attention so she cleared her throat and called him.  
“hum.. Cliff?”  
The man turned to her without saying a word.  
“Hi, I am Claire Malone, I imagine that Jensen… I mean Mr Ackles told you about the phonecall right? I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean to sound crazy, or to call that late at night but I found out something really important that I think could be… I mean i’ll tell you if you want but really at some point I will need to…” Cliff continued to look at her without talking “You know what, I understand, I came across like a maniac, I will figure something out without involving Jensen or you. I really apologize for the trouble please pass my excuses to Jensen and my sincerest condolences.”  
She barely held her tears so she fixed the bag on her shoulder and turned around to walk away when a hand stopped her.  
“You said you’re a police officer, can I see your badge?”  
She nodded and wiped her eyes stumbling on her own words  
“O-of course, my badge, I, I mean I had it, no no I HAVE it, I packed it just for thi-”  
She almost dropped the bag because her hands were shaking badly.  
Cliff caught it before it hit the ground  
“You ok?”  
“I’m sorry, I am nervous, here this is my badge, I know it's not the cool one but I don't work on the field so..” She handed him a plastic badge with a string and a metallic one with the symbol of the Austin police department with her number on it.  
“I have an id too if you need “  
“It’s ok for now, sorry if I scared you but that's my job. And thanks for the condolences.”  
Cliff looked down for a moment, Claire could see the pain he was feeling and she automatically reached out to caress his arm in sympathy.  
“Ok so, you can wait inside, there's a good table on the corner away from the window. I’ll fetch Jensen and Misha.”  
“Misha is here too?”  
“is that a problem?”  
“Oh, no no, not at all!”  
“Ok then.”  
He went away from where he came and after a few seconds she went inside at the table that Cliff told her. She tried to stay calm but she still jumped when the owner of the place asked her the order “hum, just coffee please” She took her laptop out and placed it on the table. As soon as she looked at her reflection on the black screen she realized that she hadn't even brushed her hair or put on some make up.  
“Oh shit! Why am I like this?”  
She frantically tried to make a decent ponytail when a deep voice called her “Claire Malone?”  
She made a sudden movement to look at the men standing there. The hair tie was stretched between her fingers, but she lost her grip and the thing went off flying across the tables right on the counter. The four of them had watched the whole flight and were now staring at it. Claire was frozen in embarrassment with her hands still on her hair when Misha said “Well i’m glad the police in this city has such a good aim”  
She smiled and so did Jensen who proceeded to give her a handshake. She jumped on her feet and took Jensen's hand like she just remembered how to function properly.  
“I’m, I’m sorry, My name is Claire Malone, nice to meet you and thanks for coming, hum P-please take a seat.”  
Jensen sat opposite of her and Misha followed him after picking up the hair band and giving it back to her.  
“Thanks.”  
“my pleasure, I’m Misha by the way”  
“Y-yes I know, nice to see you again”  
Cliff sat down next to her.  
“We’ve met?”  
“Yes, I met all of you at a convention in Houston.”  
They both smiled politely and nodded.  
“hum, before we start, I wanted to apologize for that call, I didn't realize how late it was until I hung up…”  
“About that” said Cliff “How did you get the number?”  
“Yeah, right, I should probably tell you everything from the start… I trust you guys so I'm going to tell you things that could put me in trouble or even make me lose my job”  
Jensen listened carefully to the whole story. She had his number and Jared's in order to retrieve the registration and being a fan she decided to keep his number. She swore that she never meant to use it or to listen to that phonecall and he kinda belived it, at least he could see that the intention had been there. She was your typical fan, nervous and sweet. Jared would feel compelled to hug her and smile, to calm her down and he would have followed his lead, because he never knew right away when it was best to do something like that.  
“Jensen?” Misha called him because he had drifted away “Sorry, I… please continue. “  
“So after… I mean the next day I was going to talk with the Detective and I heard her say something about the phonecall that made me think.”  
“What did she say?” asked Jensen “I needed to make sure about what she said so yesterday evening I went home and listened to the file. I’m really sorry for that, but I had to, so I heard myself that he said Funkytown!”  
Misha was perplexed. The girl seemed to expect some sort of reaction because she paused and looked at the three of them.  
He turned to Jensen, hoping that he could clarify but he seemed as clueless as himself, in fact he then asked for an explanation.  
“He said funkytown… I don't understand why is this relevant?”  
Suddenly Claire had the doubt that she made a huge mistake. What if Jared said that all the time? She didn't know how he really talked in private! She had really, very hugely messed up this time. And she even called Jensen in the middle of the night in a moment like this! This was a nightmare.  
The girl became pale so Misha took her hand “Are you ok?” She kept looking at Jensen for a couple seconds more “I-I-I… did...did he say that a lot?”  
Puzzled again Jensen answered “No he didn't, I don't know if he ever said it before, but why is that relevant?”  
Claire was so relieved that she could have fallen off the bench. She regained color on her face before answering “Because this could have been a warning, I didn't recognize it at first, but funkytown is a codeword that you used on the show! And it meant that someone had a gun on him!”  
“Wait a second, you think that Jared used it on purpose?”  
“Well honestly that's where you come in. I think I know… knew him enough to say that it's possible, but only you guys can be sure enough to make this a significant thing.”  
It was their turn to feel lost now.  
“You don't have to tell me now, you need to really think about it and then let me know.  
Jensen’s head was almost spinning. Could it be? Jared tried to let him know? And he didn't get it… suddenly his stomach started to feel like someone was squeezing it.  
Misha was the first to talk “I’m sorry, but now I don't know if we can give you a straight answer… we should think about it carefully.”  
“Yes of course, I’ll give you my number so you can let me know if you think this could be important.”  
Cliff saw that Jensen was shocked so he took these words as a cue to end the meeting.  
“Ok then, we’ll stay in contact if anything comes up and even though you are not going to do it, I have to ask to keep this meeting out of the social networks”  
Claire nodded and gave him a piece of paper with her number on it.Misha and Jensen left the table while she retrieved the laptop that hadn't been used. Jensen left some cash on the table and thanked Claire for the information. They shook hands again followed by Misha and Cliff who asked her if she needed a ride.  
“No thanks, I have my car right there.” He nodded and left.  
Claire stood there for a couple minutes more before getting in the car and going home.


	11. Chapter 11

That night Jensen couldn't sleep.   
The days after he was absent and distant, Danneel had to ask Misha what had happened because her husband kept telling her “I just need a minute to think” or “I’ll tell you later” and he wasn't even paying attention to JJ which rarely happened. She was concerned by this sudden change of behavior, he was a reasonable man, sure he was reserved and it took him a long time to be comfortable enough to open emotionally, but even back then he wouldn’t completely shut her out. In total honesty she didn't like to go behind his back so she waited 6 whole days, hoping that at some point he would tell her at least what that meeting was about, but her concerns became worries when Jensen started to go away from home for hours without saying anything about where he went and finding him the next day on the couch passed out and reeking of alcohol.   
“Misha can I talk to you?”  
“Of course, do you want me to come over?”  
Misha’s voice was unusually hopeful, like he needed her to give him some sort of permission to come to the house.  
“I would like that actually.”  
“I’ll be right there.”  
He hung up. Danneel was quite puzzled and the whole thing was worrying her even more.  
About half an hour later the doorbell rang and she checked the driveway hoping to see Jensen's car, but it was Misha. She let them in, Vicky and the kids entered first with Maison already calling JJ to play.   
Misha hugged her and without even waiting for the door to be closed he asked “So did you guys came to a conclusion? I mean, is it something worth looking into?”   
Frowning, Danneel closed the door “What are you talking about?”   
“The new evidence?” it was Misha's turn to frown confused.   
“What new evidence?”   
“D, sorry, are you ok? The evidence suggested by that police officer, Claire…”  
Vicky intervened “Why don't we sit down so we can talk calmly?”   
“Uh, sure, right, come sit on the couch, I’ll get some sweet tea and-”   
“There's no need, really, come sit with us”  
She nodded and the three of them sat down. Vicky could see that she was upset so she asked “What happened? Jensen didn't tell you about the meeting?”  
“I… he didn't tell me anything. To be clear he didn't talk to me at all for the last six days.”  
“I don't understand Dee, you have to explain what do you mean because, I’ve been texting Jensen for the last few days, and he said he was discussing the matter with you. I’ve been waiting for one of you to call so that we could confront opinions and eventually do something.”   
“No Mish you don't understand he didn't tell me anything at all, I asked him, I begged him to talk to me but he would only say to leave him alone and goes out, God knows where, getting drunk.”  
The three of them stood silent for a while then Vicky decided to solve one problem at a time and started explaining what happened at that meeting.   
In the meantime Misha scrolled through the messages between him and Jensen in the past few days and they were all too reasonable to be written by a drunk man. So he texted him:

J are you home? I wanted to talk to you about something. 

The reply took only a couple minutes:

Sorry Mish, we’re not home we went out to visit a friend out of town. We'll be back tonight. 

Once Danneel was caught up she was shocked. They could have been murdered! The thought of it was absolutely terrifying, so she knew why Jensen was acting like that, he was in shock. 

“I have to find him. I need to talk to him.”   
She got up and was grabbing the car keys when Misha stopped her.  
“There's no need, he’s on his way.”   
“How do you know?”   
“I texted him and called his bullshit, he said he’s on his way”.  
Danneel saw a look on Misha's face that she had never seen before, it was rage. 

Jensen opened the automatic gate of his driveway with a remote control from the car, then he slowly and carefully parked.   
He knew that the charade would come to an end, but he wasn't ready to admit his guilt. He wasn't ready to face them at all. What was he supposed to say?   
Danneel was hurrying towards him with fury in her eyes, just what he deserved. Stoically he he went out of the car and waited for her hand to slap his face.  
What he got was a hug. She was holding him tight. Her voice was a little trembling “come on, let's talk”. He nodded, not trusting his own voice and let her lead him in. 

Misha was the first to talk “Jensen just… what the hell?” He was almost accusatory, but really it was just the only question among the many he had, like what the hell are you doing or what the hell happened. Why didn't you call me, why are you lying to Danneel and me, but none of that came out. 

For Jensen this was torture, he couldn't even look at them in the eyes, so he looked at Vicky “I have been thinking and we should call Claire to let her know that it's something worth looking into…”   
Not what they expected to ear but he wanted to steal more time. Just like a fucking coward. 

“So that's your explanation for disappearing for days? For lying to Danneel?”  
“Misha stop, it doesn't mat-”  
“No Dee, it does matter!” Misha was furious and Jensen responded with equal emphasis “What do you want Misha? I needed some space and I told you some bullshit to-”  
“To push us away? I don't fucking care if you lie to me, but you know better than hide and run. You're not like this.”  
“Honey please, I know that it's horrible, but you don't have to face this alone!”  
Jensen looked at his wife “I don't have to? Do you realize that now, I am sure that not only Jared, Gen and the kids were killed by someone, but also that-” He couldn't do it, tears started to push to get out, he shook his head and turned around, teeth locked in a tight grip.   
The three of them were looking at him. They didn't need to exchange looks because it was clear that whatever he was about to say was eating him alive, but he clearly needed another push to get it out.   
“Jay, I don't know what do you mean to say, but it looks like you're feeling guilty even though you know you couldn't do anything…” 

“That's where you're wrong” his shaky voice was low he still didn’t turn around, instead he knelt on the floor still trying to hold on but he couldn't anymore. 

“He called me because he hoped I could save them Mish, when that girl told us about the codeword it all came back to me, ten years ago, when we shot that scene we were laughing and talking about the fact that it was clever” his shoulders were trembling and Danneel went close to him, one hand hesitantly reaching out to him.  
“It was even my FUCKING IDEA!” His fists smashed on the floor “It was my idea… I told him it would be cool to have codewords and we didn't have to come up with them because we already knew them…” Misha didn't know what to do, what could he even say? Jensen was broken, on the floor shaking and crying and he didn't know how to alleviate that pain, that crushing guilt that was killing him right before his eyes and he was powerless to stop it. Danneel finally touched her husband lightly like a feather. He turned around to look at her and she saw in his eyes the depth of his pain.   
“You did your best Jensen…” She whispered, but he shook his head looking away “If I had remembered… I could have called the police, I could have played it cool and catch the bastard… Why do you think he called me of all people for his last phonecall? Why not his mother or someone of his family? It's because he needed me to remember, he trusted me with his life and I failed him, I failed all of them”. He once again hid his face in his hands. “He would have remembered… he would have tried anything… But he’s gone and it's all my fault.” He caressed Danneel's hand on his shoulder and slowly got it off him. “So please, call Claire and tell her to dig into it because definitely it's worth the trouble.” He got up on his feet and tried to keep it together “Now you know what's happening. So please leave me alone. This isn't something I can walk off, but I can try.”   
He turned his back on both Danneel and Misha, who were speechless for many reasons but most of all because they felt his pain like it was their own.   
Jensen did so much as a couple steps before he was forced to stop because someone was blocking him.  
Vicky looked at him right in the eyes, she wasn't immune to the sight of Jensen's desperation, but she couldn't accept to let him stew in his own pain.  
“I’m sorry Jensen, I may be stepping out of line but I can't let you walk away”   
Taken aback by this unexpected turn of events, Jensen just stood there waiting for more.  
“If we let you go things are going to get bad real fast. You will end up drunk and sorry for yourself thinking about this as if it was your fault.”  
“Did you not hear what I just said? It WAS my fault! I could have prevented all this but I-”   
“No you couldn't, Jared tried to contact you but it was too little and too late. You can't see it now but we can’t wait for you to figure it out.”  
Misha was surprised to hear his wife talking so harshly to Jensen, so he came closer to her and trying to make her stop talking like that, but she saw him and looked back at him with ardor.   
He backed off, at this point he was as surprised as Jensen.   
She continued “ We need you to be focused and concentrated, not on what you could have done but on what you can do now. You have to catch that monster who did this and restore Jared's memory. People are calling him a liar and a murderer. Hundreds of people who loved him are now cursing his name and you prefer to lay down and cry instead of fighting for him?”   
Jensen was mortified he didn't know what to say, she was right.   
Luckily the kids showed up saving him from answering because JJ yelled excited “Daddy!” and ran straight to him with her arms up.  
He picked her up and squeezed her tight burying his face on the crook of her neck. She giggled and he felt home for the first time in a while.   
Vicky took Maison in her arms and said “We'll come back tomorrow to talk, sorry for being harsh, and Danneel, thank you for the hospitality.” her voice was beginning to tremble, so she didn't kiss or hug, but went straight to the door and into the car.   
Misha grabbed West who was protesting that he wanted to stay, so it wasn't easy to say goodbye properly “Jensen, I have to go, I’m sorry if she was too direct, she-”   
“It’s ok Mish, I’ll see you tomorrow”   
Danneel kissed him goodbye and silently said thank you while opening the door for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update but this chapter wouldn't come out properly. I'm still not sure it works the way I wanted to but it's the best I could do. As always thanks to everyone reading and commenting on my work it keeps me writing and it really brightens my day.   
> XX


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